Run Her Up

2016-03-19 00:54:11 by ttbloodlusttt

Coming in second is the same as coming in last
It hurts just as much, but it still makes me laugh
At how quickly the twine lines of my sanity burn away
To take me into the ink of my thoughts, my lips betray
A smile that barely hides the voices of my mind mingling
With the twisted guts inside, and it leaves me tingling.
Is there no way to say exactly how deep I cut the pain?
Spelling it out gets me nowhere, and know where I've been bent?
Drifting in the brine of a sorrow like tar, simply spent
Too tired to swim, my back stroke is pretty weak
Since my arms are broken, torn at the seams
Here, have my heart, take these dreams
I'm tired of waking to a silent scream choking me 
If the day is gray it fits like a glove
Why paint it the colors of love?
Lately, my feet are finding their way
No longer tripping over the bliss of a new day
This is how I know, this is how the wind steals my breath
And carries my soul to the stars, if we digress
Can we go back to passion as hot as the Sun?
Rake my flesh until bones expose, written in blood.
Coming in last still counts for something
Could it be my imagination is a sentry?
Guarding me from reality?
This was supposed to be me taking the lead
But once the barbs catch they never come free
Gouging my palms on the thorns of my reliable complacency
I never knew suffering could be quite so tempting
Coming in second is how I remind myself to keep it pinned
It's why no one is every truly within
Coming in second is the only way to win



When your eyes burn

do you think I'll see

In your sleep you turn

and search for me

and when death takes your hand

did you know it was mine

my love all along

a sorrow redefined 

given a penny to express

a thought and a mourning

this bliss set to depress

my sunny heart, deforming

my smile, my bliss

I can say goodnight, badnight

Withdraw from a kiss

Wearing a new insight

for all we wander we weep we keep

and for all we love we eat we drink

but for the never we love and swell and drown

and for all I laugh I sink into frown

this is my sorrow this is my disguise

a mask fusing into my face

chiseled deeper with the lies

for I have only make belive to grasp

And only anguish ever lasts

tonight I'll break the shadows and consume

their delicious melancholy filling the room

and the torment that drowns me in my bed

is the desire I've come to ruefully dread

who could I be that provides sanctuary

what could I be that mean anything

to forget I was and ever will be

to sleep in a bed become my cemetery

 

A star, my sky, twist into wrist

a fork, a knife, speghetti veins drip

for nothing could be blue if red exists

coat my lips with death, with dismiss


Anniversary

2015-06-25 00:17:02 by ttbloodlusttt

Boy
Look how you’ve grown
I see a chisel emerging
Take a practiced bow
A broken heart and home
Fight the pain that’s surging
Young adult taking the now

Man
Grown into your shoes
I see your empty smile
Take your time and build
Lest you begin to bruise
From the hopes you defiled
Misery and weakness fulfilled

Husband
Growing a family of your own
I see you fall short
Take a drink for  your pain
Denying the seed you’ve sown
To the agony you resort
Watch the color drain

Widower
Have you grown tired
I see your tears
Take another wearied breath
Hold the one you sired
Erase those missed years
Rekindle what’s left

Father
With a child long grown
I see the scars on your soul
Take time for us, this once
You’ve always known
It’d take its toll
You set with the blood sun

 

Ashes
Upon the wind, blown
I watch through molten tears
As you take away from me yet again
These years that have flown
These memories that sear
Took away my father
Took away my friend
We had years but you left me alone
Yet again


Unsay

2015-04-21 02:22:06 by ttbloodlusttt

I begin to smile but falter
This is how I always fall
Falling short, falling away
Falling in love
And I remember 
I've been here before
And I remember how
Viciously the agony cut
Me into shapes that
Allow me to fit
Into the lives of others
I begin to frown
But bare my teeth
Don a glaring sneer instead
No, I won't do this
Feel sorry for myself
For what's been dealt
For what's been lost
And I fortify
Cut the tape before
Another hits rewind
To begin falling up
And bare my bliss
To lips deserving my kiss
I begin to fade away
Taken with the ichor of mistrust
But I am swept aside
For a moment protected from self
Was it shelter I sought
Or a blameless host?
And I stand alone
Before the approaching night
Hours blocking my path
A serious slight of insight
Through a mocking crone
Mingling wrath with silhouettes unknown
Might as well delve
Into the shade that forgives
When I forget how smile
When I forget how to live
Dying light of my sun
Bring me back from the edge
Teach me a new trick
So I might survive
Teach me how to square
These bowed shoulders
And brush away these
Memories made boulders


Perfect Bliss of Silence

2014-08-15 03:37:27 by ttbloodlusttt

You think you know words? Time to feel ridiculous and absurd. Outclassed, outwitted, signed over, and double fitted. Sometimes it takes something beautiful and pure to add a little focus to the hideously obscure. Conjecture and introspective, a blight of today's corrective. Mind not the apathetic masses, double vision through hate layered glasses. Sentimental thoughts and simple creeds could shine the light upon your most shadowed dreams. If one would stand and speak for few, that voice would be warranted and overdue, a slap in the face of a superior race. So tiny we must seem to the eyes of the unseen, as we plunder innocence and auction our greed. Easy to forget how to be alive, that the same burgundy seeps from veins that coincide with the neighbor we never speak to and the child we vicariously project through. Fathers have left and mothers have wept over broken homes, in a world where home is synonymous with being alone. I, for one, am tired of a world coming undone, so as a single entity I will live free, love those who passionately love me, and when I die I'll stare with vacant eyes because I'll have left behind all the ugliness for the perfect bliss of utter silence.

 

 

inspiration: http://youtu.be/0D2B2grxEAI


No Such Emotion As Forever.

2014-08-05 07:42:26 by ttbloodlusttt
Updated

I made no promise

No happily ever after remarks

There wasn't a moment without indulgence

Greedily satiating hungry hearts

With a denial to rival all the liars

And the lacquer of lust upon chilled lips

Murder of a soul's fires

So easily made nothing and dismissed

I skip to the screams, in time, in rhyme

And take my belt to their knees

Only what we find

Isn't the depth of out heart's desires

Dancing around a funeral pyre

You can do as you please, eat at me

But in the end you're setting me free

In this life we take what we want

No waiting for gold to paint our palms

We make due upon the graying sands

And make less of uncharted demands

Take me as I am forever

What I offer, we suffer together

Or take the knife to the chords and sever

Hear me now, or have me never

 


Dissever

2014-01-04 13:29:20 by ttbloodlusttt
Updated

A divergence has occurred

Mocked by the very air we breathe

What sweet nectar drips

Gazes set to seethe

Scalding words pour from our lips

The last of our moments

Have sucked the purity away

There is nothing but silence this time

To cut up and blacken the day

Blurring reality where I'll never find

The face I had come to fondly dream of

So instead of fertile soil

The pigs rolled in the rotting sludge

Left to gnaw upon bladed turmoil

Hollow echo of lost love

All bones bent

Skin crimson and wet

Follow me to the descent

Revisit the pit in which we first met

 

Dwell, skulk, away forever

Forgive, we live, together never

You from me, dissever


My Reasons Are Limited and Full of Ulterior Motives

2013-08-15 12:09:16 by ttbloodlusttt
Updated

Paint me
Slather your colors all over my flesh
The slip of your fingertips, your palms as they mesh
A slick mess of your ideas written through vivid color
The red reminds me of no other
Glistening light off the wet suit
A sheen of hastened pursuit
The rest of the poem

Some of my Youtube art vids using Heartgrinder's music: