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ttbloodlusttt
Art. Music. Or. Bust.

Age 38, Female

Writer/Artist

Colorado Technical University

Illinois

Joined on 7/24/13

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No Such Emotion As Forever.

Posted by ttbloodlusttt - August 5th, 2014

I made no promise

No happily ever after remarks

There wasn't a moment without indulgence

Greedily satiating hungry hearts

With a denial to rival all the liars

And the lacquer of lust upon chilled lips

Murder of a soul's fires

So easily made nothing and dismissed

I skip to the screams, in time, in rhyme

And take my belt to their knees

Only what we find

Isn't the depth of out heart's desires

Dancing around a funeral pyre

You can do as you please, eat at me

But in the end you're setting me free

In this life we take what we want

No waiting for gold to paint our palms

We make due upon the graying sands

And make less of uncharted demands

Take me as I am forever

What I offer, we suffer together

Or take the knife to the chords and sever

Hear me now, or have me never

 

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VicariousE

I have to admit, that's the best poem I've ever read here. Or are those song lyrics? I faved you for your work in the visual arts :) Hope the other fans have been engaging enough...

ttbloodlusttt

Thank you. I write quite a bit of poetry and most of it gets posted on my deviantart. This poem in particular was fueled by a nagging pain in my life that cruelly reminds me that if I want something I have to work very hard for it. Nothing comes easy. A passion burns and must be written, so I write.

I appreciate the watch and I hope to be adding more in the near future.

VicariousE

It's certainly worth sending to publishers.. check the library for a reference book called 2014 Writer's Market, they list agents and publishers who look at unsolicited work... just file for a copyright of what you submit first, costs 35$, I did it when it cost 25$

ttbloodlusttt

I will probably compile some of my work with art one day and attempt to publish a book. I am currently going to school for application programming. I'd like to write apps eventually and one of my ideas is tied in heavily with the digitalization of literature.

Thanks for the tip ^_^ I appreciate it!

VicariousE

Have you seen StoryShift? http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/634402 It's a tad dreary looking, and the text is hard to read... When do you graduate?

ttbloodlusttt

No I hadn't seen it. It definitely looks interesting, possibly right up my alley. Thanks for sharing.

If everything goes as planned I'll be graduating in 2017. Seems like a long way off but I think it'll go fast. The trick is learning everything I can since online courses are basically self education.

How about you? Have you any degrees?

VicariousE

No. I started work early, working for my father, digging ditches, laying pipe, cleaning fittings.. was tough work, didn't get paid much at all. Then I went into TV production. Since 2000, it's all been downhill :\

ttbloodlusttt

: /

You seem well established on NG though and that's formidable! I've been using NewGrounds for over a decade now but I never had an account of my own until relatively recently. I've been a member of deviantart for over 10 years, that's my true home, both digitally and real world. Though, I don't participate like someone who has been part of an art community. I tend to keep to myself.

What brought you to my tiny, dark place on NG? It's kind of been a nagging question in the back of my mind.

TV production? Sounds like an interesting career. What's your favorite part of it? And why so downhill? 14 years of downhill?! Not that I can say much better of the last 14 years of my life.

VicariousE

I was offline due to a password glitch and email abandonment for a while, then found an old list of passwords after I moved back home. Ah, I used to like lurking dA, but the community was really weird, then when NG made an Art Portal, I was all over it :) I initially stayed away from talking on NG, because I wasn't in any of the fields NG represented.

Hmm, think I read a review of yours and got curious

Filming in a studio was pretty rad. So was covering live events in the field. Also, after hours of playing with tapes, finally seeing the completed project... that's a thrill. My cameras got wetted on a trip to California, and never recovered. After the trip, and my brother's wedding gifts, I was broke, and things were going digital, so freelancing was out, and only kids with degrees got to sit in studios, licking their nuts lol

ttbloodlusttt

AH, I see. Yeah, I really don't participate in communities. I find something or someone significant that fuels a response and that's about it.

It's good to know there are lurkers kinda like me.

Sounds like you really enjoyed what you were doing. You're experience isn't enough to get your foot in the door of somewhere significant?

VicariousE

Probably no hope for me, it's been too long, and you really to need to know the specific cameras you're using on a job, no one wants last minute learners - when you're on set, you're there to work, nothing else. Come prepared or don't come at all. It's a rather shitty job, but back then I could cherry pick as a freelancer with equipment... plenty of production experience, that's the only reason I flap my gums around here O_o

You've certainly got a way of capturing an unseen moment, with your art, genuine skill :) How much did you have to draw, to get to this point? (almost rhetorical, sry)

ttbloodlusttt

Ah. I do believe though that if you want something bad enough you can meet any goal head on and win. I know, it sounds like Dr Phil or Oprah, and I am the worst one sometimes when it comes to optimism, but something I've come to understand is if I don't force optimism upon myself then I feel the bite of negativity to such an extreme that I am the worst person to rely upon. By that, I mean I become quiet, withdrawn, pessimistic, angry, and I enjoy too much to be like that. Within myself. I can't really afford to be like that, I have a son who will eventually be traveling from Canada to visit me here in the US and my lack of ambition could only be my undoing and his suffering. So I shove on, often trudging, dragging my limbs to and from places, battling whether I should get two jobs to stay ahead of the game. I don't know what's in store I just know that I have to pursue a career.

My mom was the one who always encouraged me to draw, she has a natural talent. However, I have had to work very hard to get where I am and even then much of my work on paper was lacking severely until about August of last year when I decided to leave Canada and reboot my life. A surge of inspiration came in the form of three very good friends, one specifically here on NewGrounds called TheHeartgrinder, who encouraged me to better myself as an artist and a writer. I even felt inspired to create music for the first time and recite my poetry in recordings. To more specifically answer you, I've been doodling since I was a wee one, but I hadn't truly embraced my skills until the last 4 or 5 years. I've written enough to fill novels, both poetry and fiction, and my art has improved to the point where I want to frame it and display it on the walls, whereas before I would put it away and only show a few select people what I do on my free time. Looking at my drawings from a decade ago, heck even two years ago, makes me cringe as I notice my horrid lack of proper anatomy and complete ignorance of how something reacts with an environment (ie lighting) and am almost ashamed to admit that I thought so little of my skill and talents at some points that I truly didn't care if I was applying the proper dynamics to my work to make it more than just lines on a page. For a long time, drawing was like writing for me, ever line was a thought in my head, some drawings reflected the disorganized and unfocused self, and other drawings embraced an idea that I wanted so badly to capture from my mind but I had not refined my skill enough to do so, so it essentially reflected the shell of an idea lost.

I am proud of my progress and now when i complete a piece I feel ten times more accomplished.

Have you accomplished anything you're particularly proud of in the last few years? Do you foresee your talent or ambition leading you where you want to go?

VicariousE

You moved south of the border, dual citizenship? Sounds like you got a long steep hill to climb, have you check out publishers yet, sent samples of your work? If you get any bites, get an agent. I guess the trick's always been, to appeal to someone who makes a hell of a lot more money, than you ever have. (I'll see you in the new post ;)

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