I begin to smile but falter
This is how I always fall
Falling short, falling away
Falling in love
And I remember
I've been here before
And I remember how
Viciously the agony cut
Me into shapes that
Allow me to fit
Into the lives of others
I begin to frown
But bare my teeth
Don a glaring sneer instead
No, I won't do this
Feel sorry for myself
For what's been dealt
For what's been lost
And I fortify
Cut the tape before
Another hits rewind
To begin falling up
And bare my bliss
To lips deserving my kiss
I begin to fade away
Taken with the ichor of mistrust
But I am swept aside
For a moment protected from self
Was it shelter I sought
Or a blameless host?
And I stand alone
Before the approaching night
Hours blocking my path
A serious slight of insight
Through a mocking crone
Mingling wrath with silhouettes unknown
Might as well delve
Into the shade that forgives
When I forget how smile
When I forget how to live
Dying light of my sun
Bring me back from the edge
Teach me a new trick
So I might survive
Teach me how to square
These bowed shoulders
And brush away these
Memories made boulders
Art. Music. Or. Bust.
Age 38, Female
Writer/Artist
Colorado Technical University
Illinois
Joined on 7/24/13
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Posted by ttbloodlusttt - April 21st, 2015
Comments
Oh, I'm fine thanks! Had doosey of a time at Pico Day last month, biggest turnout yet. Also participating in the Writing collab to mark 20 years of NG http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1389190/1
What do you do for a living? Catatonic is good after work, lets all the leaves settle down... But yeah, next time you go to the library, see if that ref book I mentioned is on the shelf, it also has updated advice about agents and unsolicited works and such.
I'm a teller. I am awesome at putting on a fake front but it takes a lot of energy. By the time I get home I want to indulge in what I love the most but that's been pretty difficult lately. So I have no one but myself to keep me company... and that's clearly not working.
I used to love being alone...
@_@ I can't remember the last time I was in a library to pursue something enjoyable. Usually I'm there pissing off librarians by helping my mom (a little too loudly) print things. Yeah. (sigh)
The public in front of you, management behind you... not an easy gig, to be sure. I'm sorry there's no one(s) in your life to ease the burden, during or after work :( Do what you can now to change that, don't be like me...
Keep an eye on the worker thread, as well as the publishing thread, you might be able to step in and conjure some words, if someone fails to add to the story... and if not, it'd be nice if there was an afterword, an overview, cast in likely words, representing many views with one voice.
It's easy to see life academically, set yourself apart from it, but there has to be love out there, even for poor wretches like ourselves
I guess my message was slightly deceptive. I do have people who love me, and a certain someone who makes most of the awkwardness of my persona seem like a valued quality.
I just don't feel like I have enough time for everything. What's the easiest way to make time? To cut out the time consuming activities like writing and art and 4 hour youtube adventures... Yeah. I've become bland.
I think part of it is that it's always been an 'either this or that' situation for me. Either spend time on my interests or spend time on a person. I've never had my significant other really encourage me to do my own thing and be 100% OK with that. Then again, it must be hard to be OK with 12 hours of typing or drawing or digital painting, day after day. Throw school into the mix. Work. Long distance between my kid and I.
Perhaps you know the yearning I feel to immerse in my own imagination and never sleep and always create... it's torture and I'm doing it to myself. I've forcing myself to work on some art at present. I must do something to break this lethargic cycle lacking productivity.
Thanks for being continuously encouraging.
You're very welcome. There was a time in my life, where I was almost as busy as you are now, but no one to really talk to (pre-internet) about my creative work or my long term goals. At least keeping busy keeps the devil away, idle hands and all.
I know what you mean all too well.
VicariousE
Stunning. Good flow. Has no one published any of your works?! I've probably mentioned The Writer's Guide 20XX book in the library's ref section before, right? I know they used to have a small section of book and magazine publishers for poetry.
How've you been? Writing and acting can really put you places you don't wanna be for long....
ttbloodlusttt
I've been working. Working. And more working. When not working I'm in a catatonic state. It's been very stressful lately. I have time to mess around here and there but I've been feeling quite numb.
I've considered trying to get published. I think I'd like to some day.
How are you?